Who Do You Admire? (Part 1)

I am inspired to share with you a simple exercise I have run across a number of times. I am a slow learner so I had to get similar answers each time to get the true power of it. I can now accept and embrace the wisdom I received.

So here’s the exercise: Take some quiet time and think of 3 people you admire the most. There are no limits to who you can choose – dead or alive, family, friend or celebrity. You can even choose a fictional character like Harry Potter or your favorite superhero.

Once you have your list in priority order, think of the trait in each person or character that resonates deeply within you. You have interacted with or heard about thousands of people in your lifetime, what is so special about these people that made them rise to the top of your heap?  

It is perfectly okay if you don’t immediately know the quality that attracted you to them. Step away from the list for an hour, day or week or more and see what comes forth.

When you are ready, delve deeper and think of all the things this person represents to you and what amazing things they have accomplished. What about the way they choose to live their life do you find inspiring? 

I’d like to share my recent list with you. I am not positive yet I think that some of the people I have chosen during each round of this exercise have been different yet the traits I admire have been pretty consistent.

1. Mother Theresa (minister to the poor, sick and dying around the world)

TRAIT: Unconditional love

Check out Mother Theresa’s inspiring poem about inner guidance on my last blog.

2. Rosa Parks (called "the first lady of civil rights" and "the mother of the freedom)

TRAIT: Courage

3. Nelson Mandela (anti-apartheid activist)

TRAIT: Integrity

I finished this blog detailing what each person means to me and the objective of this exercise then decided to end it here. I want to give you some time to seek your own Truth without any unneeded distractions that can lead to pesky procrastination and indecision.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week. Feel free to share who you admire and why before then. I do enjoy writing yet enjoy connecting with you even more.

In admiration for who you are,

Amber

Takin' It to the Street

I am very appreciative of the wonderful fruit and vegetable stands all over New York where fresh produce is so readily available. I think of these lovely vendors more as the cold weather sets in. I wonder how they can stand outside all day and often into the evening.

I passed by one of the local stands which I frequent and asked the man (Reminds me to get his name next time:) how he was doing in the cold. I mentioned that maybe I'll bring him some coffee next time. I asked him how he liked his coffee and made a mental note. I knew that I would follow through yet am guessing the man thought I was just making conversation.

A few days later, I had the thought to get the coffee on my way to the subway. I gave it to the man and he seemed appreciative. I left and went about my day happy that I could enhance someone elses.

I needed to get some veggies that night and went back to the stand. I checked in with myself on my intention for going to that veggie stand as there were others on my way home. I wanted to make sure that my intention was pure and that I wasn’t going there specifically to receive praise for my kindness. I felt fine if he didn’t even mention it so was sure that I was unattached to his response. Yes, the man did mention how much he appreciated the coffee which again shows me how much people need to be uplifted.

I bring up this intention question as I personally know what it’s like to feel so bad about myself that I did things for the sole purpose of proving to myself and the world that I was a decent human being. I was also very familiar with seeking crumbs of acknowledgement wherever they were thrown. I am deeply grateful to have moved far from that painful reality.

3 questions to ask yourself when doing something nice for another person:
1. Would I do it if the kindness recipient didn't show me any outward appreciation?
2. Am I expecting anything in return for my kindness?
3. Would I do this if I couldn't tell anyone what I did?

I believe that the best way to practice an unselfish act (to make sure that ego gratification is not your motivation) is to do it anonymously. What I mean by this is to do something nice to someone who is not present yet will receive the benefit of your kindness in the near future. The importance here is that your ego is not being stroked by the praise and appreciation of another.

Some good examples are: picking up trash from the sidewalk or in a public bathroom or picking up items that fell off the grocery store shelf with the intent to create a better environment for those to come. Also great is to leave a note on a stranger's door (or better yet add some flowers) wishing them a glorious day.

The next best option is to do something nice for a stranger who will probably acknowledge you yet you are likely less attached to receiving their approval than you are with those you have ongoing relationships with. There is also no way you can earn brownie points or expect something back from them in the future.

Some good examples are: opening the door for someone, giving up your seat on the subway (look for a future post on the benefit of witnessing kind acts) and wishing someone a nice day.

KINDNESS KREATION: Perform one anonymous unselfish act a day for the next 3 days. Then perform one unselfish act towards a stranger a day for the 3 days after that. Post comments on how it feels to perform each. Was there any differences? Can you now give to people you know and love in a more unselfish way?

Please remember that a small gesture on your part could impact someone's view on the world from "All people are unfriendly" to "There is one nice person in the world." That shift may seem small to you yet it could be miraculous and life-changing for that person.

With love and light,
Amber

Embrace the Joy of Gift Giving

I know that the holiday season is in full swing (and is over for many) yet it’s still worth checking in on how you’re feeling. Do you feel stressed, inadequate as you may not get “it” right this year and anxious about the impending credit card bills? If so, then take a breath and honestly answer this question for yourself:

Am I willing to try something new this year that has the potential to leave me feeling more loving and connected to those in my life?

I am not suggesting that you abandon all gift giving or even radically change what you are doing. What I am suggesting is that you bring a different intention into any gift you give this holiday and throughout the upcoming year. Make your top priority be: How can my gifts be heart-centered and really demonstrate the love and care I feel for the receiver? Desire for the person to feel loved, understood and fully seen the minute they rip off the paper or open the envelope. Adding a special note stating the intention behind your gift is a wonderful way to enhance the experience for the receiver.

I am a big proponent of seeing is believing. Try it out for yourself. Experiment. Give the gift you have already purchased or planned to give and the one that is drenched in love and fully heart- centered and see which one the gift recipient is still talking about throughout the coming year.

Two gifts I gave that really speak to the soul of the person were:

1. On many occasions a dear friend (aged 55) shared about her painful and abusive alcohol infused upbringing. One time she confided that it deeply saddened her that no one ever read her a bedtime story. I immediately got excited about the thought of providing that experience for her.

I excitedly planned a trip to my local bookstore and purchased a beautiful hardcover book filled with traditional children’s stories. I borrowed a tape recorder from a friend and read a few stories into the recorder. (My voice was far from melodious yet the great thing about homemade gifts is that the thought is really what counts. Imperfections are like your personal heart signature.) I then wrapped the book and the tape so that she could either hear a bedtime story read to her by a dear friend or gift herself with one directly from the book.

My friend was not fully able to receive the heartfelt nature and deep sentiment of the gift. I was fine with that as I know it touched a tender place in her. I knew that my heart was in the right place and trusted that hers was as well.

This was not a gift for any specific occasion. The occasion was that my heart said seize this opportunity to shower someone in love. Remember there does not need to be a calendar holiday to show someone you love them. It is even more special to give someone a meaningful gift because they mean something to you. The surprise of it adds to its deep sentiment.

2. My sister spent many hours a month tending to the kitties at an animal rescue facility. I knew that being of loving service to these furry beings while they awaited loving homes meant the world to her. So I decided to make a donation there in her name.

This was not a very unique gift as many make donations in people’s names all the time. No matter this gift said I value what is important to you and I support your involvement in it. This gift said what is important to you is important to me.

These types of gifts that feel so inspired are such a joy to think up, plan and give. It’s as if you are receiving the gift before the other person does.

A small effort on your part could move mountains in the life of another. What a great reward for performing such a pleasure act.

I enjoy creating loving and personalized gifts for people. Feel free to reach out to me for some suggestions.

Wishing you a holiday season that wraps you with abundance and love,
Amber

Thank Yous Have a Long Shelf Life

I wanted to share a recent interaction I had with my local tailor Eddie that is such a wonderful example of how simple acts of kindness have more of an effect than we realize at the time we are expressing them.

My winter coat was in need of a new zipper so I recently went to see Eddie who had expertly fixed some of my clothes in early and mid-2008. Eddie looked at my coat and told me what was needed yet didn't make any mention that he remembered me. He then told me that he'd give me a discount as that's "what a Princess deserves." I smiled and thanked him.

We spoke for a few more minutes and he told me some of the things going on in his life. He then told me that the coat would be ready for pick up the following Monday. As it was so cold I asked if he could have it done any sooner as "he didn't want this princess to freeze." :)

As I was about to leave, he said that he remembered me from a year ago. He then smiled and asked me if I recalled what I had sent him back then. I couldn't believe he could be talking about what I thought so I automatically said "No." Then I asked, "the thank you card?" He beamed and said "Yes." He said that I was only the third person who had sent him a thank you card in 11 years.

I was and still am shocked that only 3 of the hundreds of customers he has serviced in 11 years took the few minutes out of their lives to share a simple gesture that honors another. I have found that writing a note or letter seems to have more of an impact than a verbal thank you or simply hitting the send button on an ecard.  

Interestingly, he thought I had been there a year ago when it has actually been about 2 1/2 years. Clearly the memory of my note stayed fresh in his mind. He also remembered details about the other 2 people who appreciated him many years later. There is no telling the magnitude that something done in love can have on a single person or the world. Just do it with generosity of Spirit and let go of the impact.

Clearly the takeaway here is that people need and crave appreciation and it's so easy to take the few minutes that may be remembered exponentially. I have often heard people say that they feel ignored, devalued, unacknowledged, invisible, lonely etc... yet I have never heard someone say that I am too loved and too appreciated.

KINDESS KREATION: (Hint: this icon indicates something you can do to share yourself unselfishly with the world.) Ok, your turn to start the appreciation process. Who can you thank? It may be easier to start with someone you don't know very well so you don't expect any accolades for your gesture. (Look for a future post on the intention behind unselfish acts.)

Your voice and kindness is always valued. Please share your stories below.

I am now on my way to pick up my coat with loving holiday card in hand:)

UPDATE: I went to pick up my coat and waited in line as Eddie finished up with a customer. I noticed this customer was reading something as Eddie filled out her receipt. She then showed me the card I had sent to Eddie 2 1/2 years ago!!! I learned that Eddie had proudly taken it off his bulletin board and handed it to her when I walked in.

I wanted Eddie to read what I had written about him on this blog so I gave him a slip of paper with this blog's URL on it. This customer was touched by the card and asked for the blog URL to learn the background. I continue to be amazed at the ripple effect of small acts of kindness. I need no more evidence to know their importance and I will dedicate my life to spreading them far and wide.

In love, light and thankfulness,
Amber